


When The Bough Breaks (Maybe It Always Needed To)

by truelyesoteric



Series: Rockabye Verse [1]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-30
Updated: 2012-12-30
Packaged: 2017-11-23 00:18:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/615971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/truelyesoteric/pseuds/truelyesoteric
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen’s pretty happy going to school and raising his kid. Then he gets hit by a car.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When The Bough Breaks (Maybe It Always Needed To)

**Author's Note:**

> Repost from LJ

Jensen Ackles had two reasons that it was acceptable for him to be apparently non-sexual even though he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, deep deep down in his heart, that he was gay. He knew behind the ‘normal’ façade he was hidden in the closet. He was so far in the closet he was way up on the shelf behind the trophies from grade school and buried in a lock box that nobody remembered.

Much like his sex life, strangely enough.

The two reasons that he could get away with it no questions asked were a five year old and a guy who acted like a five year old.

It really was the normal story.

Guy grows up with best friend, starts noticing his best friend's little brother, incidentally who is at the time total jailbait being four years younger. He's nineteen when he secretly starts fooling around with his best friend's brother one hot lazy summer. He's twenty when he freaks out, as he’s still fooling around with said best friend’s younger brother. He's twenty when he does the only logical thing and starts banging the neighbor girl as well as the sixteen-year-old aforementioned baby brother of his best friend.

He's twenty-one when he gets married and two months later has a kid with the neighbor girl and breaks the heart of both himself and the kid next door, unbeknownst to anyone who isn’t them.

To his young muddled mind he justifies it, he really can't take the scandal of coming out on top of knocking up the neighbor girl. He can’t see failing her and his unborn child for his own needs. 

And he knows he's a wuss. He just can’t do it.

The path of least resistance is a shotgun wedding and severing ties with his best friend's brother. The little brother is at the wedding, watching him through angry eyes, slumped in a chair.

He marries a girl in white with an obvious stomach and he pushes away what he wanted, and what he never seems to be able to un-want.

He's twenty-two when the baby brother comes out in all his glory. Little brother comes out and his family supports him. He watches as the guy that he is enamored with announces what they are and does it easily, with so little opposition. 

He aches and burns as the kid goes to college and dates, mother telling stories of boyfriends. He understands, but he can't do it himself. He's got a toddler. He's got a wife. He puts aside his epic crush. At least what he will only admit to being a crush. It’s probably more.

But when the kid is going through this nobody looks at him. Nobody assumes he's gay because the kid already is and he has a child and a wife. The town for some reason only thinks that the gay is a one in a million chance.

He stays quiet and just pushes farther in the closet.

He's twenty-three when the girl next door leaves. She tells him that he's always felt like settling. He tells her he can't live without their child. Se agrees. She just isn't ready to settle down. She wanted to be something first.

The girl next door goes. The best friend's brother is long gone. He has a kid.

Everybody loves him as a dad. Everybody loves him and it’s still easier to not mention that he'd rather be set up with the son's of his mother's friends than their daughters.

So yeah.

Everyday story.

It was all fine. 

Until the day that his two reasons crashed together (literally) and canceled each other out (figuratively or something like that).

He was taking the one who was five to his third day of school when the one who acted five came out of no where and fender bended them.

**

Jensen had never been in a car accident. His daddy had taught him to drive defensively and he did that really well.

His first thought upon hearing the smashing of metal was Cam.

He looked in the back seat at Cam. Cam was still strapped into his booster seat. His eyes were wide and his hands clutched onto his lunchbox for dear life, but he looked as if he were okay. What absolutely killed Jensen was the tremor in his son’s hands.

Jensen was a slightly neurotic parent, as he was slightly neurotic in general, however in this case he defaulted to murder. He was going to murder the driver of the other car.

So he opened the back door. He ignored the other car's owner for just a minute, he was mentally considering which maiming technique that he would use, but first he had something more important to do.

His first job was to make sure that his son was okay.

Cam just looked at him, wide-eyed and clutched at his shirt, but nothing seemed wrong beyond that. When that was settled, Jensen turned towards the owner of the other car who had already gotten out.

Jensen turned to unleash some fury.

However fate was kind of a funny thing.

Turning made his mouth go dry, his heart beat like crazy, and pretty much drove all words from his head. 

Jared Padalecki was standing there. Hands in pockets, head a little down, looking like when Jeff and Jensen had caught him trying to follow them. He had this sheepish thing and this look like he wanted to be anywhere else.

But the look was the only thing that really was the same as the boy that Jensen had known, because his body had grown up and up. The scrawny little thing was not even close to scrawny any more.

If Jensen thought that his gay was maybe a concept of youth he was proved that it was just a dormant desire that wasn't really going away. It hit him full blast once again.

That was generally the effect that Jared Padalecki had on him since the kid was fifteen.

Jared looked up at him and gave his sheepish grin.

"I guess I should have listened better to my driving instructor," Jared said, breaking the crazy stare that Jensen was sure that he was giving.

Jensen swallowed and tried to answer in a normal voice. "Fiddling with the radio again?"

Jensen was proud of his ability to be even.

Jared looked guilty beneath his smile. "I have an iPod now."

And that silence happened again as Jensen just took in the way that Jared’s arms flexed and Jared regarded the tyke in Jensen's arms. 

Cam was looking at Jared, green eyes and red hair looking at Jared curiously, the whole fear thing gone.

"How's the wife?" Jared asked politely. Jensen wondered if he was using the same technique of emotion moderation in voice.

"I think I need your insurance info," Jensen told him, knowing he couldn’t go down that road.

Jared looked at him funnily, but produced the paperwork. They exchanged what needed to be exchanged.

It was nothing more than what should happen with a stranger.

Until Jensen handed the paper work back.

"She's gone to New York," Jensen said quietly. "She wanted to be a dancer. She got a chance. She's happy."

Next to him Jared made no move.

"How long you here for?" Jensen asked, looking him full in the face.

Jared shrugged. "I moved back, taking some time off. Mom needs help."

Jensen nodded. He had heard rumors, he had been helping out at the Padaleckis while Jeff was crazy with the hours at the hospital. The Padalecki's felt guilty because Jensen was trying to raise a son and get his physical therapy degree, there had been word that Jared might come.

Jensen just had hoped that he wouldn't.

Because just him being here was enough to usher Jensen from his hiding spot. He didn't want to hide when Jared was right here.

"Have dinner with me," Jensen suggested.

Jared cocked his head as if that would give him insight to Jensen's meaning and motive.

Jensen gave him nothing. He wasn't quite sure himself what the hell he meant.

"Okay," Jared nodded.

**

Jensen got in his car, drove his son to school, went to school himself, found a babysitter, all on autopilot.

He was sitting in the sun trying to memorize the circulatory system, when he gave up and called Danneel, who was for all intents and purposes his closest friend.

On paper it so shouldn't have worked. He knocked her up, she left town.

But their forced co-habitation and shared child had bonded them and they called each other often after she left. They were actually closer with her half a country away. She called mostly to chat about Cam, sometimes to tell about her wild and crazy life, and to listen to Jensen drone on and on about the small town that they both had grown up in.

"I think I..." Jensen trailed off. Which was a brilliant way to start off.

The silence lingered for a minute.

"Is Cam okay?' Danneel asked sounded worried.

"Cam's fine, well we got hit today in the car, but you know him, he was up and running at school just a little bit later," Jensen said.

"That is my munchkin," Danneel said fondly. "Who hit you? Mr. Dennis? He's a terror behind the wheel."

"Jared Padalecki," Jensen told her.

Danneel was quiet for a minute. Jensen had never really taken the time to use words to tell her why he felt the need to jump into her bed.

It seemed a little cruel to tell her that she was actually his gay freak out when she was pregnant and after that was a screaming infant and after that was the closet. There never seemed time to bring up something potentially volatile and mean.

Now he felt like a liar. Which he was. Of which he was not proud.

"You light up when someone says his name," Danneel said slowly, not accusing, just putting the pieces out there. "Someone will be talking across the room about Jared and all the sudden that is all you hear. Even after he was gone you always listen for a little scrap about it. I never asked, and you never said about before me."

Jensen swallowed audibly. "He was fifteen Danny. Not a story that I'm proud of. He was fifteen and I knocked you up."

There was nothing but silence.

"Don't be mad," Jensen finally said in a small voice.

"Honey," she said, not unkindly. "I'm trying to figure out if I should be mad about gay, about knocking me up on accident because you didn't want to be, or about the fifteen year old boy, or just in general and I got nothing here. There are too many things that I could be mad at that I can't really pick one. Actually I am just kind of relieved that you aren't perfect. I've always felt like the horrible one. It’s your turn now. So exciting. So what are you thinking."

"Five years is a long time, fifteen is a young age," Jensen said softly. "And I have missed him for five years and hope he's mostly the same as he was when he was fifteen or at least I just want to know what he turned into."

"Re-eally," Danneel drawled, a little excited.

"You're absurd," Jensen informed her.

"I miss you too Jenny bean," she told him.

"You know I'm both illegal and immoral," Jensen pointed out.

Danneel let out a laugh, and Jensen realized he did miss her. When she laughed he knew that things were going to be okay, it was rare, but it was what was between them.

"If I believed in any of that I would so cut you off," she said lightly. "No more child support, no more palimony."

Jensen shifted uncomfortably. He hated this discussion. It was her trust fund that let him go to school full time and made sure that Cam was well taken care of.

She had given him the house that they were given when they got married. She paid ample palimony and child support.

He hated it, but it let them both follow their dreams, something that five years ago they had never thought would be possible.

Danneel was a big one on following your heart. She followed it in keeping Cam, she followed it to New York, and Jensen knew that she was going to insist that he follow his. She had already brow beat him into going to school for physical therapy and being a dad, the two things in the world that he really wanted.

And now the happy third.

"Seriously though," she said. "Why not? You are an awesome husband, so I'm assuming that you are an awesome boyfriend. You were to me and you know what, you didn't even really like LIKE me."

"Yeah I don't think I like you very much either," Jensen muttered.

Danneel made a dismissive noise. "Whatever. I have a gay husband. I am queen of the hags."

"Yes, yes, you're very progressive," Jensen said dying a little.

Danneel laughed again and then her voice took on the tone that was pretty much just the one that she used to talk about Cam. "Tell me about our baby. How's he liking school?"

They talked on, about their son, which Jensen was so relieved about.

Jensen was really wanting to never talk to her about Jared again, which he knew wasn't going to be the reality. The one thing that Danneel did was talk about things that most people avoided ever bringing up. How she had never brought up the idea of Jared before was now a confounding thing.

"Danni," he said near the end of the conversation. "There is something besides dating and that stuff. This feels like a shock to the system. I like guys and I'm not totally sure what that makes me."

Danneel considered that for a moment.

Then she used that soft motherly Cam voice on him. "It means that you have an awesome son and awesome ex-wife. It means that you like pickles and hate olives. It means that you are a horrible morning person, Jenny it doesn't mean anything other than what you already are, you're the same guy you just like dudes."

Jensen shifted uncomfortably under the assessment. "Don't call me Jenny."

Which was a whole lot easier to say than 'but I feel different’ or ‘I feel like I found me.’

"I'm rolling my eyes at you right now Jensen Ackles," Danneel said as if she could read his thoughts. "Have Cam call me tonight. I want to his version of things."

"And to check up on me," Jensen amended.

"And to check up on you," Danneel agreed. "I worry about you Jenny Bean."

And she hung up before she could hear his litany of swears.

**

The next day Jensen was sitting in the coffee shop after he picked Cam up from school. Cam was playing with animal crackers, those green army soldiers and a triceratops. He was narrating a epic battle while Jensen sipped his coffee and watched.

Occasionally answering the important questions like if the triceratops horn was magical like a unicorns.

Jensen was laughing as his son was mashing the heads of animal crackers and army men alike under the triceratops’s feet. It was the rousing climax to the victory.

Then Cam, who was snarling and spitting a little and helping the triceratops bite the heads off the animal crackers looked up.

He suddenly curled into Jensen and got really shy, looking up. Jensen looked around.

Jared was standing there, and nobody in the world had ever looked so awkward with a cup of coffee.

"Did I scare him by hitting you?" Jared asked, looking sheepish and young.

Jensen patted his son's shoulder. "He does this shy thing every once in awhile. Cam, you remember Jared. Why are you playing shy? Jared is nice. We like Jared."

Jensen kind of hated the cracking of his voice. Jared’s looked up at him, the look was confused for a second but then a little hopeful.

Cam looked up through his red fringe.

"Nice Triceratops," Jared said with a smile, turning away from Jensen and towards Cam.

Cam grabbed his plastic toy and held it up with a shy smile. "My mom gave it to me."

Cam looked over at Jensen and Jensen continued. "Danni got it at the Natural History Museum in New York."

Jared nodded and looked hopefully towards the chair. "In New York."

Jensen nodded at Jared's unspoken question. "In New York."

Jared sat and looked at the disarray on the table. "What is going on here?"

Cam moved slowly and started telling his story, catching Jared up on the action, then he got more excited as Jared asked him questions about the little battlefield. Jensen watched as his son and Jared continued the saga.

After a bit Cam took over and Jared looked up and Jensen who was having trouble suppressing a small smile.

Cam took over and Jared looked up at Jensen again.

"I'm beat man," Jared said, comfortable now. Staring like there hadn't been years and hurt feelings in between. "I've take over dad's carpentry business. My arms are killing me."

Jensen took him up on the conversation. "Swinging a hammer make you miss school?"

Jared let out a laugh. "Not so much. I don't know if school is for me. I just didn't fit. I like this more. It feels like I'm doing something. School just felt wrong."

"I'm sure there were social aspects that were pleasing," Jensen said, and instantly hated himself because that wasn't what he meant to say. Sherri Padalecki had kept him painfully apprised of Jared's boyfriends. Jensen had endured those sessions with a masochistic voyeurism thing going on.

Jared looked down sheepishly. "Well that was the only part I was good at, the social part."

Jensen stewed in a little self hatred and a lot of Jared hatred.

"Don't," Jared said brushing his finger tips over Jensen's knuckles. "Its not fair. You got married. That was then."

And all Jensen could feel was where Jared's finger tips touched his skin. Jensen felt that feeling again. That hollow pit to his stomach was full again and he felt blessedly normal, in what was ridiculously rare.

He HAD to change the subject.

"I am going back to school," Jensen blurted out.

Jared smiled slow and easy. "I'm glad you did, you big dork, I know how much you love it."

"Shut it," Jensen retorted. "I'm going to get people to walk again."

"A god among men," Jared teased.

And they were back into their banter and their conversations that were just so easy. Cam was yawning when Jensen moved to go.

"So dinner tomorrow?" Jensen asked. "Maybe drinks?"

"Pick me up at eight?" Jared nodded.

**

"So I asked some guys in the company," Danneel began once Cam had relinquished the phone for bath time. "Five queens. They said you were hot."

"And they know this how?" Jensen said, looking in the fridge for a beer.

"I have pictures of us everywhere," Danneel said, offended.

"That is going to help you find a man," Jensen replied, finding one in the back.

"One man at a time for our family," Danneel told him. "So these guys were saying that you totally were a catch. You could still totally get a hot piece of ass and they'd all date you. Except Carlos. Carlos is a slut, he would only fuck you, but more than once so you're totally golden."

"Glad to see that four and a half of five New York dancers approves," Jensen said dryly.

“So you’ve got that going for you,” Danneel told him. “Even if you are kind of boring.”

“You’re confidence is overwhelming,” Jensen laughed.

"So whatcha going to wear?" Danneel asked. "This is so much more fun than when we were married."

**

Dinner with Jared was not new. But this time it was just the two of them. This time they were both pretty much adults. This time was totally new.

It was a little weird.

After the initial weirdness, Jensen found himself comfortable. This Jared was more, he was grown up and was what Jensen remembered and then some. Jensen enjoyed himself.

"Mom says you are doing ok," Jared said over dessert. "I was kind of worried with her skipping town you two would be pretty bad off. But mom said that you are doing okay, even that you’re doing better than when she was here."

Jensen didn't want to talk about it, but he was helpless under the Jared Padalecki earnest smile.

"Danneel father set up a prenump," Jensen said with great embarrassment. "If a divorce was asked for there was a high monetary price. He thought I was going to bolt. When she did, it came with a whole lot of money."

Jared grinned. "Do you feel dirty? You had to talk about money and talk about asking for help. I'm surprised you haven't leaped up to wash your hands."

Jensen looked at him and he laughed.

Jared looked so excited.

"What?" Jensen said, smiling.

Jared dimpled and looked sheepish. "When you laugh I know that everything is going to be okay."

Jensen tried not to let his heart hammer through his chest.

**

“How did the date go?” Danneel asked, making a two am call. “Is he there?”

Jensen swam through sleep. “That would be awkward right now if he were.”

“So,” Danneel said. “Do you like him now that he’s not jailbait.”

Jensen yawned. “Seriously.”

“Has he gotten better with age?” Danneel prodded.

“Danni,” Jensen whined.”

“Tell me, tell me, tell me,” Danneel pushed.

“Yes,” Jensen told her.

“Oooh,” she squealed. “Did you talk about it?”

“Talk about what?” Jensen asked honestly confused.

“Jenny,” Danneel whined. “Stop building your life on things you don’t discuss. It hasn’t turned out well for you.”

“You want me to talk about the way that he lost his virginity?” Jensen asked.

“Not that graphically,” Danneel sighed, like he was an idiot. “Jensen I’ve had a crush on you since I was ten. I should have brought it up when you crawled in my window and I didn’t. I’m just saying that it would be great if I knew you were just having sex with me and not returning my feelings.”

“Oh,” Jensen said, his heart falling a bit.

“Yeah,” Danneel said. “Oh.”

**

Jared had come over to watch the game. Jensen was playing with the label on his beer, totally not paying attention, Danneel’s words floating through his head.

“What is up?” Jared said, looking warily at him.

Jensen thought about it a second and focused intently on the label. “I don’t remember when it happened. You were this skinny little kid who was always in the background, but sometime around the time we went to the lake. You were funny, you had this enthusiasm and ideas. Some thing started to change and you were Jared. I don’t know if you think that you were my experimentation or if anything like that, but I liked you, I really really liked you.”

Jensen didn’t look up to see how this was going over. “I knew that I liked guy in general, but there was something specific about you. I’m sorry that I did it the way that I did. I should have had some restraint, but I liked you and I didn’t know what the hell that I was doing it just…”

Jensen trailed off and looked up at Jared who was focused intently on him.

“I was so mad when you got married,” Jared said slowly. “I was so mad for years, but I’m around the age that you were and I sit here and I can’t even figure out what you were going through or how you made it through any of that.”

Jensen looked down and nodded. That wasn’t the same.

“I used to think that you were a god,” Jared told him.

“And now,” Jensen asked.

“Now I think you’re somebody I want to get to know better,” Jared said. “I think that you’re somebody that I would really like. I just want to get to know you, two adults and such.”

Jensen gave a smile because that was definitely in the right direction.

**

He spent time with Jared between class and Cam. Jensen didn’t think that he had any time to spare, but he made it for Jared. He wanted it to work, the more he got to know grown up Jared, the more he wanted him in his life.

And Jared just seemed to fit in that life.

"Its very important to make sure that you get the right heat," Jensen heard Jared saying.

Jensen walked out to the patio and his five year old was standing on a chair in an apron that was far too big for him next to Jared in an apron that was far too small for him.

Jared was carefully making sure not to let Cam get too close, but Jared took one of Cam's hands and held it over the grill for just a second.

"That is a good heat," Jared said patently.

Jensen really didn't know what to do with that because he had taught Jared how to do that. It was making him feel really funny.

So he took a snap shot of it and sent it to Danneel.

She called back four seconds later.

"Have you kissed him yet?" she asked, the sounds of the city behind her.

"No," Jensen said shuffling.

"Dude I'm about to grow a dick and steal him from you," Danneel told him

"Vulgar, Danni," Jensen said making a face.

"He's pretty awesome," she laughed. "Please marry him so I can stop paying palimony."

"Your dad is paying me palimony," Jensen retorted.

Danneel was silent for a few too many beats.

"Danni?" Jensen said, thinking he had lost her.

"Dear sweet lord," Danneel swore. "I think you made a joke about money. I was waiting for the world to end. Kiss him, I like him on you, so get on him."

Jensen just watched as Jared looked up, searching the back yard for him. When their eyes met Jensen got a ridiculous tingle in his gut.

"Thanks Danni," he said softly. He didn’t know what he was thanking her for, mostly it just felt as if she was making this easy. He was so grateful to her for that.

**

It was later, Cam was in bed and they were just sitting on the back porch, drinking beers when Jensen found his courage.

"I've only ever been with three people," Jensen said, rushing to get it out. "Melissa Montague, who was a slut and scared the shit out of me, Danneel and you. So really only one of them counts and you’ve probably way passed me."

Jared took a minute and stared out into the night, they both knew that Jared had a whole lot more notches under his belt. "Well if it makes you feel better you kissed six."

It was soft. 

Jensen often forgot that he had been Jared's first everything, and Jared hadn't been his everything. Young Jared had been so jealous, the fifteen year old had tried to kiss away the two girls and two guys that had come before him.

Jared looked at him, more specifically at his lips, like he wanted to try to kiss away Danneel. Jared always had been a competitive child.

"Is it still hero worship?" Jensen added.

Jared got up and knelt before Jensen. He shrugged a little. "I don't think so. I've been with people, had out loud relationships. Maybe the first time I saw you it was that same pang, but you're different now, less anxious, like you figured out that your worry can't save the world. I don't worship you any more, I just like you. I like you a whole lot"

Then Jared gave him a crooked smile. "And Jensen you are hella hot."

Jensen reached out and played with the ends of Jared's hair, strands at the nape of his neck.

Jared let out an involuntary shudder. Jensen just couldn't resist. He leaned in and let his lips touch on Jared's. Jared let out a little needy sound and Jensen slid into his mouth.

Nothing with anyone before, even Jared, was anything close to this simple kiss. It was light pinpricks of light were exploding behind his eyes and his head was ready to explode.

Jensen wound his fingers through Jared's hair, deepening the kiss and drawing Jared closer.

And Jared was responding. Kissing away anyone who had ever been lucky enough to taste Jensen's lips.

**

Jensen woke up slowly and lazily, under the warmth of the Padalecki blanket. His heart ached about how much he missed something he knew so little about.

Jared.

He breathed in, Cam would be up soon, life would begin another day.

He had to get up, but he afforded himself the luxury of one more minute.

His phone ruined that minute

He picked it up without looking.

"Yeah Danni he's still here, hot as a furnace, snoring ever so much, sweating Padalecki sweat all over my clean sheets," Jensen said sleepily.

There was a cough that was not Danneel

"Well I’m not there. Please tell me you aren't you talking about my baby brother?" a deep voice asked.

Jensen sat up suddenly. "Jeff!?!"


End file.
